That British Ass
by Animerulzs1267
Summary: Was it Alfred, or did he find Arthur's ass quite attractive? Alfred had been questioning this for nearly all his centuries of knowing the bad-tempered Arthur. So when Kiku lended a helping ear, things ended up stirring out of control on who gets to have Arthur's butt. It has confusion and yet a sweet ending that is so USUK! T rated, one-shot, USUK, please review and enjoy!


**It's been a while since I written a short story about USUK, and I just edited it and sent it out right now. The reason for my sad delays of yaoi for Hetalia was due to the EXAM WEEK for which my time was usually sitting in a chair, staring at a math book and thinking- "Yeah, I don't get this." But what I did secretly I was conducting new ideas for one-shots and...this might be too odd to say that this is what I thought of... **

**So please enjoy with love, this strange vignette... **

_That British Ass_

Was it Alfred, or did he find Arthur's ass quite attractive?

Alfred stared sexually at Arthur and his tosh in its seat just after the conference finished and couldn't believe that Arthur was suddenly so sexy. It was unreal, even!

But the thought of Arthur's bottom didn't began today. Rather, it was almost centuries of Alfred continuously staring into a void of Arthur delicate booty and it never occurred to him that he would be doing something _that_ perverted so long. Was this an unknown obsession? Or was this something known as 'puberty' at a late age?

Neither one of these ludicrous ideas made sense to him, yet he felt the need of knowledge of why he was in love with that Brit's bottom.

Before Alfred blinked, he noticed the Briton afar caught his viewings and was given the 'what-do-you-want?' glares. He could do so much as stick a playful tongue upon the Brit and Arthur who gave a snarky frown expression turned their gaze away. Standing up, his swaying bottom was deliciously viewed by Alfred's hungered eyes. Arthur exited the conference like a ghost to everyone's view and the disappointed Alfred commenced to day-dreamed of his butt with his mind.

"America-san?" said a thick-accented voice that belonged to Japan, also known as Kiku.

Alfred looked up to Kiku who bent down with a pile of paperwork close to his chest and realized he noticed him watching something, but luckily Kiku didn't seem to understand what his sight was on.

"Uh, yeah, what up?" asked Alfred as casually as possible.

"I have some paperwork I would appreciate if you could sign," said Kiku who laid the papers on his table. "After this, would you care to come over my house to play some video games?"

"S-sure..." his voice remarkably sounded enthralled.

Kiku innocently tilted his head, showing confusion. "America-san, is something troubling you?"

Alfred wasn't paying attention to Kiku; his mind on Arthur's tosh with such obsession in his eyes staring blankly on the sheets of documents.

Alfred glanced up at Kiku worryingly but said, "Can you keep a secret?"

Kiku looked puzzled. "_Ano_… I think you can tell me, but is this about England-san?"

Alfred nodded once and Kiku took a nearby chair and noiselessly dragged it so he may sit. He didn't know if he could tell Kiku about his ongoing desire that were distracting him, it was something that he only did when Arthur wasn't the wiser when looking away for just a moment. However, Kiku was a pleasant listener to those type of perverted things and the thought of telling him was like casual talk.

So it couldn't hurt to tell, right?

…

How wrong was he...very wrong, indeed.

"So, you know Britain's ass, right?" asked Alfred and Kiku flushed pink on his cheeks.

Kiku nodded shyly and was twiddling his fingers like a shy school girl. He continued to listen nonetheless.

"Y'know, I've been staring at Arthur lately…but I was staring at his ass. It's just that—you know—it's as if his ass possessed me to just _look _at it! His ass is just damn sexy! It's so firm and sexy and touchable like a girl's ass, only his is better!" Alfred could go endlessly with phrases to proceed his ranting likings, but noticed his friend suddenly. "Uh, dude, your nose is bleeding…"

Kiku realized his nose was naturally going into a common Otaku faze known as 'OMG, MUST-HAVE-THAT-SPECIFIC-ASS!' and scarlet blood that dripped on the floor was like a gushing water faucet. Kiku hurriedly cleaned his nose with a tissue he kept in his pocket.

"Ah, _sumimasen_, America-san!" cried Kiku who pulled his head to cease the blood flow leaking out of his nostrils.

"Wait…" said Alfred. "Don't tell me you have a thing for Arthur, do you?"

"I-I would do no such dishonorable thing," Kiku protested. "Why do you think I make so much fanfiction between you and Arthur?"

"What?"

"_Nani_?"

That was awkward indeed. Alfred stood before Kiku who tried desperately to withhold his overpowering nosebleed, and Alfred in his powerful yet obnoxiously loud voice declared something that (unfortunately) everyone heard and to their demise made them pondered on the idea of Arthur's ass.

Alfred pointed a commanding and challenging finger to Kiku and said "ARTHUR'S ASS IS MINE, KIKU!" preached Alfred with a demeaning look of confidence.

The whole conference room became silent and remained that way until Feliciano, nation of Italy, spoke with his usual catchphrase that would make even the badass people in the world squeal in lovableness and asked Kiku what Alfred was talking about Arthur and his butt.

Kiku sighed, "Apparently he wants Arthur's butt, Italy-san,"

"Ve~," said Italy with closed eyes and his brown hair combed smartly (by Ludwig) with the tiny curl as the exception. "Is there a prize if we get Arthur's butt, Japan?"

Ludwig, the robust nation of Germany, gave a peeping look at the door of the conference and being close with Feliciano decided he didn't need to know any more of this bizarre conversation Kiku and Alfred had discussed.

"Italy, I don't think that's a good idea making this a sudden contest," said Ludwig fatherly and wrapped his arm around Feliciano's back to pull him closer. If that Briton went up to Feliciano and invaded him, you can bet that Ludwig would murder him without a second thought.

Francis, nation of France, declared openly, "Despite myself and Britain having such a terrible past, I always wanted to grasp that little butt of his, ohonhonhon~!"

Alfred leaped up onto the table, cups and plates of snacks vibrated at the sudden movement of the table. He wasn't going to give up without a fight, of course, because he happened to be the nation of America and Americans never give up without a fight.

"Sorry, losers," he said with his head held high, "but Arthur's ass is mine!"

Bickering occurred around the conference about Arthur's ass, some would shout that Arthur's butt belonged to them whilst others proclaimed that Arthur's ass was somewhat flat to which more arguments wedged into fists and kicks. Unbeknownst to any of them, Arthur Kirkland who got back from XXX tea shop came into a scene of endless brawling.

His main plan of the day: Walk. The Hell. Away.

And that _would_ have worked if not for the American—who created this mass mess of arguments—ran to him and captured him by lifting up by the waist and hoisted him over on Alfred's shoulder like a simple bag of potatoes.

"Now you're mine, Arthur!"

Like any British person, Arthur was fidgeting all over Alfred's as he scooted off from the conference room and Kiku who was in the middle of a brawl at China (Yao) he smiled sweetly at the fleeting couple and he shoved Yao away from him without much struggle.

XxXxXxX

"Unhand me,"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"Because your ass is mine, that's why." Alfred chuckled a laugh and didn't pay any attention to the people watching them as they walked down the sidewalk with bizarre looks.

In the afternoon day that was starting to begin the end of the day Alfred had realized that he was carrying Arthur like a sack for half the day! Orange skies and pink clouds hovered the two of them as they made their way to Alfred's household, the scent of autumn was smelt and Alfred let out a yawn of tiresomeness.

"Please let me down, Alfred…" said Arthur, becoming annoyed.

"If I do that," said Alfred, "you'll make a break for it and I won't make you mine."

"You sound so perverted when you talk to me like that."

"That's because you're mine," he said casually. "And I really love you."

Arthur opened his mouth to oppose that comment but hastily shut himself up to not speak.

_What's he gonna reply to that? _thought Alfred and he bit his bottom lip, feeling nervous.

"Alfred," said Arthur in a timid tone. "Did you really mean what you just said right then? That you _love me?" _

"Dude, I'm America," replied Alfred. "I always mean what I say."

"So it's not about my arse?"

"Hey, it happens to be _really _sexy!"

There was a little pause from the two of them. But then, out of nowhere, Arthur said something that Alfred never had thought he would say.

"Then I'm glad I have a sexy arse…"

Alfred felt his mouth dropped in utter consternation but in a New York minute gave off a pleased grin. He started to take large steps forward down the sidewalk with feelings of both blessedness and excitement were presented on his face. And, unbeknownst to Arthur, he had a pinkish blush were upon his plumped cheeks from his (cute) chubbiness.

Arthur's point of view of what he said was indeed unexpected to him, atypical even! Yet he secretly was glad that Alfred didn't hesitate in any sort of way to avoid what he was asking and after hearing that he always meant what he said gave a fluttering sensation in his heart. It didn't cease its offbeat quickness when he felt a huge hand touching his butt.

"Alfred, you have no right to touch my arse," said Arthur curtly.

Alfred smirked and his pace didn't not disappointed his legs as he ran quicker. "Since you're mine it belongs to me. Either you agree to that or I'll take you to France and he'll do whatever he wants with you."

Arthur scoffed unhappily. "How dare you say such a thing? I'm yours, aren't I?"

"Yep. You are mine, and so is your ass." Alfred chuckled after that sentence and stopped at the front of his house, digging for his keys in his pocket and after unlocking his doorway, he dashed in with Arthur clinging in adrenaline of fear.

XxXxXxX

"Hey, Kiku?" said Feliciano, walking alongside with Kiku and Ludwig.

"Yes, Feliciano-kun?"

Feliciano gave a puzzled look with eyebrows raised up. "What do you think Alfred and Arthur are doing right now?"

Ludwig flinched and pulled his little Italian closer by the arm. He made Feliciano looked confused but he nonetheless cuddled along with Ludwig as Kiku silently smiled at the thought of Arthur and Alfred being together.

Note to Kiku-self: Spy on them for the next week for new material on his new manga series.

_The End_

* * *

**Japan, can I read your new manga later? **

**Japan: Sure, and later I'll get more material when I spy on them further!**

**...Well, please enjoy this one-shot with lots of love! Thanks for your reviews and favorites!**


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